Category: Light Verse

Nasty Panda

China charges 1 million annually
For each panda in our zoos
If we won't pay in full
Then the pandas we will lose
Nasty Panda's the exception
No one wants him here or there
He was paid 1 million dollars
To abscond and disappear!

Here comes the Nasty Panda
~He's much more than you can bear
He's such a nasty panda
~He leaves cooties everywhere
Beware of Nasty Panda
~He do anything he please
Stay clear of Nasty Panda
~He eats shoots and leaves

I smelled him 'fore I seen 'em
That black and white pariah
Slippin' slidin' in my kitchen
On smooshy mushy pulp papaya
I yelled for him to stop
And I told him where to go
Wink and laugh was all he did
With a Homer Simpson "D'oh!"

Here comes the Nasty Panda
~He's much more than you can bear
He's such a nasty panda
~He leaves cooties everywhere
Beware of Nasty Panda
~He do anything he please
Stay clear of Nasty Panda
~He eats shoots and leaves.

He hasn't bathed in ages
Masked by quarts of cheap cologne
His furry skin sweat-sticky
From the surface to the bone
Smelly cigar and boozy breath
Plus an air of upper-crust
Please keep your kids away
Cuz that nasty bear can cuss!

Here comes the Nasty Panda
~He's much more than you can bear
He's such a nasty panda
~He leaves cooties everywhere
Beware of Nasty Panda
~He do anything he please
Stay clear of Nasty Panda
~He eats shoots and leaves

If you meet up with Nasty Panda
Better turn around and run
You're bound to lose your money
And your wits before he's done
Don't shed tears for Nasty Panda
Cuz he likes the way things are
Don't forget to hide your keys
Else he'll drive off in your car!

Here comes the Nasty Panda
~He's much more than you can bear
He's such a nasty panda
~He leaves cooties everywhere
Beware of Nasty Panda
~He do anything he please
Stay clear of Nasty Panda
~He eats shoots and leaves

Here comes the Nasty Panda
~He's a scoundrel and a bum
He's such a nasty panda
~He's as nasty as they come
Beware of Nasty Panda
~He's gonna raise a stink
Stay clear of Nasty Panda
~He's much nastier than you think

Copyright © Mark Toney | Year Posted 2019

Poetry notes:

Poetry form: Light verse

Image credit:   Bad Panda | by Balazs Solti

This isn't a Footle, but it certainly is a Flight of Fancy!

The Emperor Has No Prose

An emperor spoke in poetic verse
Which lead to fame for him at first
But after some time became a curse
For the emperor had no prose.

Poetic measure determined his fate
The body politic could not relate
Leaving people in a befuddled state
Yes the Emperor had no prose.

Seeking solutions from all his wise men
Beseeching them each again and again
"When will poetic proclivity end?
For I'm the Emperor and have no prose!"

Long and hard the wise men thought
With no answers to the solutions sought
So they hemmed and hawed, yelled, argued and fought,
Still the Emperor had no prose

The Emperor ended his quest in time
No cure for his affliction could he find
Relinquished the throne and became a mime
At least he was able to pose!

Copyright © Mark Toney | Year Posted 2019

Poetry notes:

Poetry form: Light Verse

This is not a Footle, but it certainly is a Flight of Fancy!

Green Eggs, Spam & Grits

Green eggs, Spam and grits
Sam and Pam did eat
Then made their way down
To Who-Dat's Main Street.

Waived "Hi!" to their neighbors
To show them they cared.
All smiled except two who
Just stood there and stared.

Hulu Q. Hopps and
His shorter half-brother
Who came from two pops but
Shared the same mother.

Hopps came at them fast
So they quickened their pace
Sam and Pam flew past him,
Boy, this was a race!

Hopps huffed and puffed,
While shouting very gruffly:
"You better stop now, or
I'll treat you roughly!"

          "Just what have we done
To make  you so mad?"

"If you don't stop right now,
I'll do something bad!"

Pam and Sam stopped,
Turning right around
Awaiting their fate while
Standing their ground.

Hopps wide-eyed and breathless
Finally stopped within inches
"Listen real closely now,
Your see Mr. Pinch is
Hot on your trail
Looking for retribution
Based on your failure
To give restitution."

          "We don't know what that means,
We don't know what to say..."

"Doesn't matter at all,
Pinch is coming your way!"

Since Mr. Pinch meant
To slow cook their goose
Pam and Sam agreed to do
What they learned from Dr. Seuss!

They asked all their friends
To lend them some help.
Eucalyptus, Betty Loo,
JaeJae and Miss Kelp.
Hortman, Octavius, and
Hopps stepped up to bat.
Even Kat came back
And threw in her hat!

Off in the distance
The Catawampas growled
And soon after that
The Terramasu yowled.

Down came Mr. Pinch
From atop Mount Dumpit
In his impedimenta SUV,
Like it or lump it.

Rolling into town
Entering Who-Dat's Square
Pinch shouted "Sam and Pam!
Are you hiding somewhere?"

"You must pay the piper,
I'm here to collect.
Excuses mean nothing,
Your pleas I'll reject!"

Pam and Sam stepped forward,
Friends forming a line.
"Pinch, you won't get away
With extortion this time!"

With that Betty Loo
Pulled out her didgeridoo.
The others pulled out
Their instruments too.

All began playing strong,
Singing loud and clear:

"You are hostile Mr. Pinch
And your breath reeks of stench
But we're stronger than you
So you can't make us flinch.
Mr. Pinch you are mean
So you better flee the scene
You're a nutter like no other, Mr. Pinch..."

They droned on and on,
A multi-stanza bonanza:

"You're a villain Mr. Pinch...

"You are sleazy Mr. Pinch...

"You are nasty Mr. Pinch...

"You're a nutter Mr. Pinch...

"You disgust us Mr. Pinch...

Mr. Pinch screaming loud
With hands to his ears,
Made a beeline to his
Impedimenta SUV in tears.

Then Pinch did the math
Calculating the odds
He wasn't going to get
Anywhere with these clods.

"You haven't heard the last of me!"
Fist pumping as he shouted.
When he left, all Who-Dat cheered,
Disaster had been routed.

Sam and Pam thanked their friends
In a way that befits.
A Who-Dat picnic serving them
Green eggs, Spam and grits!

Copyright © Mark Toney | Year Posted 2019

Poetry notes:

Poetry form: Light Verse

My tribute poem to Dr. Seuss.

Special thanks for this poem's inspiration to Theodor Seuss Geisel, an American children's author, political cartoonist, and animator. He is known for his work writing and illustrating more than 60 books under the pen name Doctor Seuss.

The lyrics in the above poem are my own, as are the names of the characters and locations, but they were inspired by "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch," a song that was originally written and composed for the 1966 cartoon special How the Grinch Stole Christmas. The lyrics of that song were written by Theodor "Dr. Seuss" Geisel, the music was composed by Albert Hague, and the song was originally performed by Thurl Ravenscroft.



Got a plop in my fizz
And a tiger in my tank
Impossible is nothing
(That's why Titanic sank)

Got milk? Just do it.
Wash your troubles down the drain
Tastes so good
Cats ask for it by name

Eat fresh. I'm lovin' it.
It's finger-lickin' good
If you won't eat it
We all know Mikey would

Once you pop you can't stop
Make the most of now
Eat Mor Chikin'
(That was written by a cow)

Every bubble's passed its fizzical
Let's get quizzical
Nothin' says lovin'
Like something from the oven

Snap! Crackle! Pop!
They're Gr-r-r-reat!
Just like a good neighbor
In good hands with Allstate

Look, Ma, no cavities!
Think outside the bun.
Save money. Live better.
Consider IT done

Melts in your mouth
Not in your hands
(Life's what happens
While you're making other plans)

American by birth.
Rebel by choice.
Hello Moto
His masters voice

Maybe she's born with it
Have it your way
A diamond is forever
Every kiss begins with Kay

You've come a long way baby
Be all that you can be
A little dab'll do ya
With L.S./M.F.T.

Own a piece of the rock
Where do you want to go today?
We make money
The old-fashioned way...

When you care enough
To send the very best
Oh, what a feeling!
Come be our guest!

Live in your world
Play in ours
Get N or get out
For the love of cars

You can't top the copper top
Easy as Dell
He keeps going and going...
Go further with Shell

When there is no tomorrow
Bo knows best
Think small. Make believe.
Makes quitting suck less

Stronger than dirt
How do you spell relief?
Success. It's a mind game.
Defying all belief

Challenge everything
Share moments. Share life.
Because you're worth it
Save a life. Love your wife.

Copyright © Mark Toney | Year Posted 2019



Poetry notes:

This isn't a footle, but it is a flight of fancy.  Booyah!


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